Her. Birth Mother.
The one who has made some bad decisions (don’t we all). The one who’s heart aches. The one who I try to support but find it so hard to. I don’t know her story. I don’t know her pain. I don’t know her story. Her struggles. Her sadness. Her brokenness.
I see what has been done. The outcome of mental health, addictions, lack of support. I cry for the child. I cry for the mom. A mother’s love is all consuming. Addiction is all-consuming. Mental health is all-consuming.
Low self esteem, poor confidence, no one to love them. The right choices not made.
Adoption is beautiful, but adoption is born from tragedy. Yes God calls us to care for the orphans, but He calls us to love others first. Even when its hard, even when you don’t want to.
I cry because my sinful heart sometimes prays for my needs. My desires to love a child in need forever. My heart should be praying for change, for redemption. To show Christ’s love amidst the brokenness. To be that person for someone. The shining light.
So I am sorry birth mom for all the times I judged you. When I thought of you unkindly. When I didn’t look past the circumstances laid in front of me. I will fight for your child, but I will fight for you too. I will put my feelings aside to help put the pieces of your heart back together. I am here to walk alongside you. Even when its tough, even when I don’t want to.
The thing is we share something so emotionally intimate. We love the same child. The same child calls us both mommy. There is no other bond quite like that.
I look at your picture and I cry.
I see your tears when I pick your child up and bring them back to my home. I see every missed smile, step, giggle, and booboo. All those moments that I get to see, but you have to miss. I see your hurt, I see your pain. I pray that you take that hurt and paint and you turn it into a fight. A fierce fight of love and overcoming. If you fall I will be there for your child. I am thankful God has given me stability, and a heart to help. But I will be your cheerleader. I will try to help you. As much as I don’t understand your choices, I still love you. Because our child loves you. Because God loves us all. Forgiveness is given, and second chances are always deserved.