This is the story of how our Rosie came to us. 10 weeks later, our hearts are completely and utterly hers.
The way our paths intertwined with this little sweet pea, is only something I can explain as answered prayer.
I have been open, and honest with all of you since the beginning. We got into fostering with an end goal of being a forever family for a child in need. Along the way we feel honoured to have walked along side 6 families and help reunification happen.
“The thing is I am not out to steal anyones babies, BUT I do desperately want, and feel called to be the mom of a child who desperately needs a mom.”
Foster Care Craziness
8 kids in 19 months has been a heck of a lot of change for us. Sometimes it feels hard to even catch my breath. I always feel behind. Cooking, cleaning, my fitness goals, my blog and YouTube channel, my hair clients. I just never feel like I can get ahead. I am always adjusting to a new kid, new behaviours, new birth family, new visit schedules, new sleep schedule, new doctors, new social workers. It is a lot.
A lot of women tell me I am super mom. Although I appreciate the compliment, I sure don’t feel that way. I feel like I am always failing at something. I am notorious for taking on too much. Which leaves me stretched thin, not focusing enough on anything or anyone.
The thing is. I feel right where I am meant to be. This stage of life, the craziness, the give give give with no time to relax or take. I live for the chaos. It is teaching me a lot about myself. Highlighting my negatives, and showcasing my positives. My marriage is growing. My relationship with my biological daughters is changing, and the realization that I cannot do life without God is more apparent than ever.
With all that being said, I am so ready for some stability. Some peace. More patience.
The Call – Mixed Feelings
When we got the call for our Rosie girl, my husband said no. I begged, I pleaded, I cried. He still said no. We were busy enough with Belle and all her needs. (our other foster daughter, name changed for privacy)
I called the social worker back and said yes. Yes we will take her, yes I want to visit her at the hospital, yes we want to bring her home.
Then I said my eighth major yes to God. I said thank you God. Thank you for answering my prayers. The people around me might not support this yes, but my mind has never been clearer that there was no way I could say no.
You see I respect my husband’s opinion but I did not agree with him at all. This call was everything I had been hoping for. This baby was EXACTLY what I had been praying for. Every facet of her story made my heart excited. She felt mine before I ever saw her. I saw a future. A forever future.
I am thankful my husband loves me like he does. He knew my heart in this, and even if he didn’t agree, he loves me enough to forgive me for my craziness. Now our whole family is hook, line and sinker for our Rosie.
This does not mean we are going to be able to adopt her, but it is certainly more likely then any of the other little loves we have had in our home, including our Belle. She is most likely heading to kin placement in the next couple of months.
Hubby and I agreed that no matter what happens these 2 love bugs are our last placements for a while. A one month break won’t cut it this time around. Both our current foster daughters have affected us way more then any of our other kids. Their stories, the way they just seamlessly fit in to our crazy clan. My whole extended family is in love with them both. Preparing to say goodbye to one, and wondering what Rosie’s outcome will be, is heart shattering. When that time comes we know it is time to focus on our forever family. Have some stability, travel, experience new things and spoil our daughters a bit. They have been so, so good. Sharing their parents, their home, their toys.
Foster Care is amazing but your freedom and flexibility is really limited. Your privacy is gone, my home has a steady stream of social workers coming through. We are treated like long term baby sitters, never given updates when we are the ones dealing with all the trauma and helping the kids work through it. We see a side of the world that many people don’t. We are hyper aware of abuse, neglect, mental health and addiction. The court system is brutal. We are tied down to visit schedules. It is plain hard.
With all the hard things, and the times I want to quit and live a more comfortable life. I know it’s what I am supposed to be doing. The reward of knowing you had impact is too great, the children, too important. Giving up isn’t an option but knowing when your family needs a break is crucial. We feel that on the horizon.
Rosie’s Bio Family
My heart breaks for Rosie’s mom. She is missing everything. She has control and the agencies many supports to help her, but the support and help is not being taken. She says she wants to parent, but her actions do not show that. I have given my support, and tried to help her, without success. As much as my heart will shatter if Rosie leaves us, if it is safe and healthy, she deserves to be with her biological mother. She will always be her mother. She loves her. Her story, her past, and her brokenness prevent her from being the mom I am sure she wants to be.
So I will continue to pray for her, fight for her, and give her my help and support to get her daughter back, even though the though of losing Rosie makes me feel sick; she isn’t mine. A family being broken is tragic. I do not support that. I want there to be an amazing ending for the two of them.
But….if her daughter needs a forever home one day, then I will be forever grateful that I got to know her, and love her since day one.
No matter what happens, she will always be a part of me.
Every sleepless night, every worry, every poopy diaper. Worth it.
The craziest thing about foster care is how your whole life changes with one phone call. You can never predict the end of the story. There is roller coaster, after roller coaster. Unknown after unknown. You have to take each day as it comes, and each new piece of info with a grain of salt, because what you thought was happening today, can change drastically by the time the moon comes out tomorrow.
We can’t live for tomorrow, we can only trust in today. Each day with my precious Rosie is a gift. I will cherish each day I get with her, and be thankful and content that I am right where I am meant to be. A mama of 4 beautiful daughters.