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Family Foster/Adopt Our Journey

Mixed Emotions – I don’t feel OK

foster to adopt

I have been struggling with sharing this with you my dear readers, as I always do when sharing anything about our foster children.

There is a fine line for spreading awareness for the need of good foster families, connecting with other foster parents, sharing my heart and simply giving away too much of their story.

The story connects with you, engages you and leaves you wanting to know more.   The facts get bypassed.

Foster Care is a real-life soap opera.  Things change daily.  Horrors you wouldn’t even imagine become real.

Many are fascinated by our family dynamic and always say “I couldn’t do what you do.” But many want to know what I do, and some have no shame in the questions they ask.

Some think they are entitled to this very private information.

When I write here, it is a way of connecting you to the very real need in our communities.  I have a bleeding heart for the next generation and have a passion to create a positive impact in these families lives.  In these innocent children’s lives.

Stories inspire action.  That’s the simple truth.

So please know my intent is never to exploit or overshare but to inspire action.

So here is what I can share with you about the current chapter of our story with Rosie.

Something happened this week that has me feeling not ok.

foster to adopt

For reasons, I will not disclose there has been no visiting with biological family for almost 3 months.

Other than monthly meetings I wasn’t even feeling like a foster parent.

That all changed last week.  After 4 rescheduled appointments a visit finally took place.

A visit that was supposed to be the start of going back to weekly visits.

Today was to be the second visit.

The phone rings. Cancelled.

I have all these emotions that rise up.

On one hand, I am happy that the effort is being made because our Rosie deserves the world.  She deserves to be fought for, stood up for and cared for. She deserves a mother who would move the moon for her. Whether that is me or her biological mother, or someone else.

On the other hand, I am furious that there was 0 effort made in 3 months, they stepped back in for a one hour visit and then cancelled the next week.  Because like I said.  Rosie deserves so much more than that.

Then I think of what has happened in her parent’s life to cause them to make the decisions they do, it just makes me sad.  I wish someone fought for them and loved them like they deserved the world.

It is a cycle. A vicious heartbreaking cycle.

Reunification at this point is hard to support. She has been with us almost 9 months and we are the only family she knows.  We are her family in every way but legally.  I am her mom.

Her “real” mom? Well, I didn’t birth her but who does absolutely everything for her? Who does she expect to meet her every need?  Who wakes up with her twice a night every night?  Me. I am her mom.

Her leaving us will do more damage than anything and I cannot even bear the thought.

You guys know I support reunification and I want to see families restored and everyone deserves a second chance.

But do they deserve 1001 chances to continually let my daughter down? I can’t say yes to that.

I know it isn’t all their fault nor their intention.  I know there are struggles and battles that I know nothing about. I cannot imagine walking a mile in those shoes.  I do empathize.  I do try to understand. But I am losing my compassion because Rosie is my angel, the apple of our eye and her staying with us gives her a chance at the vicious cycle ending.

I can only pray that her parents make a choice for her.  A choice to give her a chance.

I never want to keep Rosie from her biological family. They are the ones who brought her into this world and I am forever grateful for that.  I want her to have a magical childhood and to know no harm or hurt.  I want her to have opportunities and experiences, I want her to live a full and beautiful life.

Rosie is a fighter.  She has already had to do so much fighting.  I want to do the rest of the fighting for her. I want her to have a simple, uncomplicated and innocent childhood.

That’s my heart for today friends. This is foster care.






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